At the conclusion of every legislative session, The Buzz traditionally endeavors to recognize the men and women of the South Carolina General Assembly and those who have the distinct pleasure of working with them every day.

They make our state government what it is ... two, three, four ...

So, without further ado, we humbly submit for your entertainment -- if not approval -- the 2003 Buzzards:

THE FUTILITY AWARD

Nothing says waste-of-time like a conference committee. After three House members and three senators spent all night holed up in the Gressette Senate Office Building working on a budget compromise, only to have to defend it, bleary eyed, the next day, the compromise went up in smoke -- poof! -- on the Senate floor.

And where were the conferees just a few days later? Holed up back in the Gressette Building looking for another compromise. And the world turns.

THE METER-IS-RUNNING AWARD

As those aforementioned conferees struggled through their second day of negotiations last week, the Judiciary Committee room in the Gressette Building was packed with lobbyists, reporters, busybodies and state employees waiting for news. It had to be the most expensive waiting room in the state.

One could almost hear those hourly bills stacking up. And it wasn't just private dollars being wasted. At one count, no fewer than 25 state employees were in the room at one time. They included state economist Bill Gillespie, with his $103,000 annual salary; he was waiting to be consulted if necessary. It wasn't.

From noon to 6:30 p.m., Gillespie and dozens of other state employees were soaking up your tax dollars while sitting in uncomfortable chairs listening to reporters complain about sitting around.

Good golly, we're starting to sound like Gov. Mark Sanford, aren't we?

THE NO-TIME-FOR-SERGEANTS AWARD

Sanford picks up another one.

As House panels worked on the state budget, Sanford was in Alabama honoring his commitment to the Air Force Reserve by learning how to march and how to eat his three square meals in, like, six minutes.

THE GOLDEN TIMEX AWARD

Sanford wins again!

For a week in March the House fought, bled and cried over a state budget proposal that would slash education and health care funding. House leaders killed a cigarette tax increase that was wanted by many in the body.

The day after the House sweated over all this, Sanford announced his plan to support a cigarette tax increase.

Timing IS everything.

THE LIMITED VOCABULARY AWARD

Is it just us or does it seem like the only word most senators know these days is "No"?

"No," we don't want a stand-alone cigarette tax.

"No," we don't want a cigarette tax with an income tax reduction.

"No," we don't like your fee on traffic tickets.

"No," we don't like your budget compromise.

"No," we don't bathe regularly.

OK, OK, so we made that last one up.

THE DAYS OF THUNDER AWARD

We already knew Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer walked and talked fast. Now we know he drives fast, too.

Nothing says painful-yet-fascinating more than the image of the state's second-highest official being frisked by one of Columbia's finest after being stopped for running two red lights and doing 60 in a 35-mph zone four blocks from the State House.

Go, Speed Racer, go!

THE COLD TURKEY AWARD

To prisons director Jon Ozmint for following up on the slashing of Corrections staff to minimal levels by proposing, of all things, to ban smoking.

Nothing like a mass case of nicotine withdrawal to ensure safety in prisons.

THE VOICE-IN-THE-WILDERNESS AWARD

Sen. Verne Smith, R-Greenville, known far and wide as "Uncle Verne," has been trying and trying for years to take care of the "raggedy children and old people."

The last few years Smith has tried and tried to get a cigarette tax passed to fund Medicaid for poor people.

He keeps losing and losing.

No one else seems to be giving him an award for this, so we figured it was time. Hang in there, Uncle Verne!

THE OBSCURE-REFERENCE-COMES-BACK-TO-BITE-YOU AWARD

One of the more bizarre episodes of the legislative session came during and following Gov. Mark Sanford's State of the State address in January with his reference to Mustafa Ataturk, the founder of modern Turkey.

Sanford praised Ataturk as a symbol of administrative and civic organization. He forgot to mention that millions of Greeks and Assyrians blame Ataturk for massacring their people.

Sanford was pretty upset and personally called the people who wrote him to complain.

The most upset may have been the young gubernatorial staffer who suggested the reference. What did he learn? To go beyond the second listing in a Google search.

THE CENTER-OF-HIS-OWN-UNIVERSE AWARD

What award to give to Sen. John Kuhn, the freshman Republican from Charleston, who did something unexpected just about every gosh-darn day?

One day, it was insulting everyone in Myrtle Beach -- saying the Grand Strand took "the tourists we don't want."

Another day it was trying to get the federal government to pay for all of Medicaid -- "because we can't afford it!"

But mostly, Kuhn honed his skill for making just about everybody mad at him. In the last week of the session, he publicly angered the two most powerful men in the Senate.

He refused a request from President Pro Tem Glenn McConnell, R-Charleston, to yield the floor. "OK, then," McConnell said, laughing.

Later, Majority Leader Hugh Leatherman, R-Florence, said Kuhn disrespected the Senate by making claims that weren't true.

Kuhn took the floor so often and so loudly, he alienated even the handful of renegades who regularly voted with him. Sen. John Hawkins, R-Spartanburg, cornered his friend and told him not to speak on behalf of a bill they both wanted. "If you do, I'll drop the whole thing, I swear I will," Hawkins said.

But The Buzz does credit Kuhn with sticking to his principles by opposing a last-minute move to give money to state universities. Kuhn filibustered the bill, effectively killing it.

The filibuster gave him great power on the last day of the session, deciding which bills could go and which would stay. One observer said, "Hey, what's that new Jim Carrey movie?

"He's 'Kuhn Almighty!'"

THE WITH-FRIENDS-LIKE-THESE AWARD

The flip side of Kuhn's notoriety was that House members from his own Charleston delegation are threatening to run against him -- or find someone who will.

They say that he'll be "Seithelized" -- run out like former Rep. Lynn Seithel, who was defeated in a 2000 Republican primary by current Rep. Wallace Scarborough, R-Charleston.

Others simply say they'll be going on a "Kuhn hunt."

THE CHUTZPAH AWARD

Rep. Becky Martin has guts, we'll give her that, for trying to take Sen. Arthur Ravenel's bridge away from him.

Martin and Ravenel got into some kind of tussle over highway mowing or median beautification, or some such nonsense, and in response, Martin introduced legislation that would NOT name the new Cooper River Bridge after Ravenel.

Ravenel was amused. He told Martin to take her best shot. Something tells us that when that bridge is built, it'll still be named for Cousin Arthur.

THE MESSRS. SMOOTH AWARD

This award goes to former Lt. Gov. Bob Peeler and Sen. Greg Ryberg, who shaved their oh-so-signature mustaches this year.

Peeler refused to shave his mustache during his run for the Republican gubernatorial nomination last year, saying he would not get rid of something that was part of him for a few votes.

Ryberg's long, curlicued mustache was so noteworthy, his license tag read: "HANDLBR." He trimmed but did not shave his mustache in his run for state treasurer.

Postelection, however, each is clean-shaven. The Buzz knows they look snazzy and all, but we kind of miss the old look, too.

THE MISS CONGENIALITY AWARD

OK, so the state didn't elect Peeler to be its governor. But the General Assembly did elect him to a pretty sweet job as a trustee at Clemson University.

We think that's a pretty good gig. Bob "Red Truck" Peeler wouldn't have wanted somebody to drive him around anyway. And as a trustee, we hear the work's not quite so hard and the football tickets are pretty darn good.

THE JUST-FOR-THE-TASTE-OF-IT AWARD

And the award for most soft drinks consumed during the session goes to ... John Hazzard, McConnell's chief of staff.

Days got long during the budget debate, 12 hours or more. And in his regular walks around the chamber and antechamber, Hazzard almost always carried a cold, sweating can of Diet Coke with him.

One night, the Buzz had to ask: What's the tally today? Eight? Nine?

Said Hazzard: "Oh, it's way more than nine."

THE MOST-OVERDONE-METAPHOR AWARD, PART I

Wal-Mart!

We get it! Government should offer good value at a low price.

Sanford has reveled in holding up the mega-discount-chain as an example for state government. But we're told that first lady Jenny Sanford agrees with The Buzz -- if anything, government should be more like Target.

THE MOST-OVERDONE-METAPHOR AWARD, PART II

Khakis!

We get it! Mark Sanford is one of us, if we wear khakis, that is.

THE DO-AS-I-SAY AWARD

This award goes to Sanford, who not only has a terrific tan but also has a great love for sunshine. On the campaign, he regularly quoted former Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis, saying, "Sunshine is the best disinfectant."

But Sanford balked at opening his own Cabinet meetings to reporters, saying too much scrutiny would stifle debate. He did relent, though, allowing the media to attend -- but not the general public. He said he wanted to prevent smaller town councils and committees from following his lead.

THE QUOTABLE QUOTE AWARD, PART I

"We're here working; people are missing their daughter's graduation. And the governor put on a pair of short pants and a white T-shirt and took off to Bermuda? Nah. You can't do that."

Sen. Robert Ford, D-Charleston, on Sanford's taking a trip during budget negotiations

THE QUOTABLE QUOTE AWARD, PART II

"We need to figure out a way for senators to act like senators, instead of acting like eunuchs."

Sen. Verne Smith, R-Greenville, on Senate rules and Senate fights

AND AS ALWAYS...

All kidding aside, The Buzz would like to acknowledge the sacrifices many of those we love to needle make to try to do what they think is best for their neighbors and this state.

It's not an easy job, trying to satisfy diverse constituencies with conflicting demands, especially since all constituents think they are your boss.

The hours stink, and so does the pay. Come to think of it, that sounds a lot like Buzz's job.