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He'll never be hungry again North Carolina's budget is a disaster, but at least our governor hasn't been reduced to begging for grits. South Carolina's has. Gov. Mark Sanford says he's so short of cash that he'll either have to shut down his mansion until June 30 or else ask for spare change to pay the light bill, the grocery bill and the employees. (His predecessor fired the inmates who'd been working in the mansion, having discovered some of them indulging in amorous pursuits instead of polishing the silver.) Touched by the governor's plight, a manufacturer of Southern foodstuffs has donated enough grits, flour, cornmeal, biscuit mix, corn muffin mix and pancake mix to keep the First Family from starving until the end of the fiscal year. As a grateful Gov. Sanford observed, "at least we've got breakfast covered. … we don't have to worry where our grits are coming from." Sadly, other gubernatorial needs remain unmet, and a fund has been set up for those who wish to succor the suffering. Otherwise, the governor and his family might be forced to wander the streets, sleeping under bridges on top of the sacks of grits they've been dragging behind them. He might have to stand at intersections holding a sign that says "Will Govern For Food." Things haven't been this bad since Sherman visited Columbia. If the South Carolinians wanted to attack Fort Sumter today, they couldn't afford the cannon balls. Fortunately, there is hope in the land of opportunity north of the state line. Former S.C. Gov. Jim Hodges has moved to North Carolina to get work, and Gov. Sanford could follow his example. As it happens, our governor has plenty of room in his mansion. Like poor relations who still have their pride, the Sanfords could move into a spare bedroom in exchange for cooking grits every morning. The visitors would have the place to themselves most weekends, because our governor often evacuates to Southport. Of course, the best thing about running South Carolina from Raleigh is that the governor could get some decent barbecue. That's assuming he had the cash money. We Tar Heels are a magnanimous people, but we aren't so foolish as to extend credit to South Carolinians. Particularly those in elective office. | |
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FEATURED SECTIONS Fact Book '02 Apartment Locator Health & Medical Guide Dec. '02 |
