x-sender: governor.haley@sc.lmhostediq.com x-receiver: governor.haley@sc.lmhostediq.com Received: from mail pickup service by IQ12 with Microsoft SMTPSVC; Fri, 27 Feb 2015 16:54:05 -0500 thread-index: AdBS1+fQxccm8t1dSRezWWiEwPPwAw== Thread-Topic: I am a Survivor of Domestic Violence From: To: Subject: I am a Survivor of Domestic Violence Date: Fri, 27 Feb 2015 16:54:05 -0500 Message-ID: <8E222DF973284C6F871C62EE1F367147@IQ12> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Mailer: Microsoft CDO for Windows 2000 Content-Class: urn:content-classes:message Importance: normal Priority: normal X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.1.7601.17609 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 27 Feb 2015 21:54:05.0642 (UTC) FILETIME=[E7EF72A0:01D052D7] CUSTOM Ms Guilds Bennett 280 sunnyside ave Murrells inlet SC 29576 Guildsbennett@gmail.com 843-991-7456 JUDI I am a Survivor of Domestic Violence I am a South Carolinian. I am Domestic Violence survivor. Not your "typical" victim. I am college-educated, attended private schools in Charleston K-12, and have two loving parents who are still together today. Domestic Violence is an epidemic that spreads over all races, socioeconomic and education background as you know. It can happen to anyone. I got caught in the vicious cycle of violence and coercion and it escalated when I was pregnant with my son At the time, I was a confident, independent young woman and proud owner of a small business on King St. in Charleston. That all crumbled. My husband's parents were my lifeline. They knew the secret. They didn't want me telling my parents or calling the police. Every time the rage occurred, I had a secret phone that I kept (b/c he had destroyed all of mine) and I would call them to come to the house. Sometimes they would find me holding our newborn surrounded by shattered glass, hiding in the shower, or locked in the nursery reading our son a story loudly to our son until his dad would break open the door. After enduring physical abuse, emotional abuse and suicide threats, I needed to come up with my "escape plan". I tried once, but he threw a large grill at my back as I ran down the stairs... It caught the back of my ankle but I managed to get to my car. He caught up though and ripped the door backwards "tommy boy style" and then dragged me back upstairs. Months later I was able to escape after a rage one morning. He had his hands around my neck starting to strangle me I knew if I didn't escape now the end of my life may be near. Since our son was in the room watching all of this, I asked him if I could please take him to his crib. That gave me a window of time to actually escape and run faster than I ever have to a neighbor's house after an "episode" and call the police when my son was just 7 months old. My husband was arrested and taken to jail for CDV. He was out on bail within a few hours. I was scared for my life and my son's life. Was he going to drive to my parent's house with a gun and kill us all?! I had never been to court before, and I wasn't familiar with my rights as a victim. I was living on Edisto at the time, so Colleton County was where I was to appear in court. I was told I would have a victim's advocate, but there were so many cases for only one victim's advocate. It wasn't her fault that she was overworked, but I didn't get the guidance, resources, and comfort and support that I needed at the time. Luckily, I was fortunate to be able retain an attorney to guide me through what a restraining order entailed and what my options were moving forward. After a year or so had passed the asst. prosecutor came to my case. I nervously went and spoke with the her: she was the one that had to sift through the insane number of CDV cases in Colleton County. I felt like just a number. A stat. We went over my options briefly and it kept going back and forth in my brain -- if I pressed charges, would he try to kill me? The fear is real. When I finally got the courage to say yes I would take the stand, the prosecutor told me that our lawyers had come up with a "deal", so she was going to drop the charges. We are divorced now under the pretenses of physical cruelty and habitual drunkenness. I have full custody of my son. I guess at the end of the day, I am at stat, but I am also a survivor with a deep scar. For a while I was ashamed of my situation because it was taboo to talk about. Now I will speak sometimes about it, but it is still a dark part of my life that I have blacked out for the most part. If it does come up in conversation, the question I get asked over and over again is, How did such a smart girl like you get mixed up in a bad situation? Why can't it be, why did a man puts his hands on someone he supposedly loved? Unfortunately, our society blames the victims for staying. What society doesn't feel or understand is that fear of death for them or their children. Fortunately, I was able to move to Georgetown County. I am alive, our son is safe and has supervised visitation with his grandparents. The supervised visitation is only because of failed drug tests not abuse. As my attorney always explains, the courts are reactive so I have to wait in fear that he will harm my son and then go back to court. I do live in fear about "shaking the bear" as my therapist calls it. That my ex-husband will snap and drive up here and kill me or worse be abusive to our son, or be abusive to someone else and my son pick up those traits. In georgetown county, there seems to be a Better outreach for the victims through the Family Justice Center which has all agencies under one roof. That sort of center would have helped me in Colleton County but it wasn't available. I have tried to give back by donating clothes to the shelter for women trying to get on their feed again and get a job, my son and I raised money and bought all the Christmas presents for the children a few years ago, I have done phone drives knowing that the lifeline is real, but it isn't enough. Even though 6 yrs have past, I still can't fully move on since we have a son together and his father will always be in our lives to some degree. I struggle with the questions my son has started to ask. If our society, our state wants to break the cycle we need to focus on the children of domestic violence so they don't become perpetrators themselves. We need more support for the children... They are victims in their own right. I commend you and appreciate you for starting a new task force for domestic violence. You have the power to save many lives and prevent children from falling in the footsteps of their parents. If I can save one life by being brave and telling my story, I would do that. I don't know that many victims will come forward to talk out of true fear. Thanks for listening and hearing my story. Please let me know how I can help. God Bless, Guilds Bennett Guildsbennett@gmail.com Murrells Inlet SC