Same-sex marriage is about fairness, equality

e-mail this story discuss this issue in our forums Guest column • Frank Wideman: The state needs Clemson service program (03/29/04) • Edwin Leap: Abused adult kids sometimes must cut off parent (03/28/04) • Paul Thomas: Choice won't solve the problems in our public schools (03/27/04) • Tony Beam: There's only one possible way to define marriage (03/24/04) • Robert R. Morgan Jr.: Four steps could lead to safer, healthier South Carolina (03/23/04) More details Larry Candler is the president of the Greenville Chapter of Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). He is a former board member of the National PFLAG Organization which consists of over 500 Chapters across the country. He is the father of gay children.

My wife and I have been married 42 years. We cannot think of a reason how our marriage will be devalued by allowing same-sex marriage. It certainly would not be a special right for same-sex couples. The term is more applicable to heterosexual couples since we are the ones receiving the benefits of marriage.

Many same-sex couples are in long-term relationships. The 2000 census noted approximately 7,200 same-sex households in South Carolina. This number is probably low since many couples fear discrimination in employment and reprisals if someone learns of their relationship. No one in this country should be fearful of losing their job or being harmed physically for who they are.

Many same-sex couples have adopted children and are raising them in a loving, supportive environment. Often these are children others will not adopt because of some abnormality. Studies have shown that children raised by same-sex couples are as well adjusted as those raised by opposite-sex couples. Allowing gay couples to marry can only make the family unit stronger, not weaker.

President Bush not only wants to deny same-sex couples the right to marry, but he wants to do it by amending the Constitution. It has been amended 17 times since 1791. Each time it was done to expand the rights of the citizens. An amendment to deny the right to marry would be the first time the Constitution has been used to deny citizens their rights.

South Carolina legislators are also considering two bills (HR4657 and HR4674) that would disallow same-sex marriage as well as reciprocity with states that do allow it. With the economic and budget problems we face in our state and nation, our governmental officials have better things to do than to pass discriminatory laws against citizens who work and pay taxes.

Activist judges are blamed for the assault on marriage. This is a common tactic when the courts rule against prejudice in our society. When the Supreme Court ruled against state bans on interracial marriage, the decision was not popular and was criticized by the politicians of that era. The "Brown vs. Board of Education" decision ending segregation in our public schools was also highly unpopular.

Prejudice can never be allowed to be the order of the day, even if it is popular. The Constitution was designed to prevent the tyranny of the majority against the rights of the minority.

Many argue it is a moral issue (sin against God). If whether someone is a sinner is the basis for marriage, who among us would qualify? Civil marriage is a civil contract between two people. It has nothing to do with religious beliefs although some believe that it is a religious sacrament. They are entitled to this belief but they do not have the right to force it on others.

Some people are against same-sex marriage because they believe churches would be required to perform them. This is not correct. No church or synagogue would be forced to perform same-sex marriages. It would be a choice by individual churches. There already are churches that will perform same-sex marriages for those who desire to have a religious ceremony.

There are 1,049 laws that benefit heterosexuals that are denied to same-sex couples. Marriage has tax and workplace implications such as automatic qualification for health insurance benefits, the fairness guarantees of divorce law, inheritance rights, estate resolution in the absence of a will and asset protection for estranged couples with joint accounts. Imagine being shut out of a partner's sick room, losing custody rights to your children and being denied the right to plan a funeral that honors your love.

Our leaders say they want to strengthen marriage. Then they say "no" to people who want to marry and form a long-term relationship. This logic defies understanding.

President Bush stated, "A strong America must also value the institution of marriage." Same-sex couples recognize the value and want to participate. Not allowing them to participate is nothing more than discrimination. Same-sex marriage is an issue of fairness and equality. It is nothing more and nothing less.