Legislators return to the Capital City today, and it should be easy to spot them scurrying around the State House grounds.

Many of them will be wearing their spiffy back-to-Senate clothes purchased at Target. House members are sure to be carrying their shiny new Bill O’Reilly lunch boxes and James Carville backpacks. And all of them will carefully be watching where they step just in case Gov. Mark Sanford totes his little piglets back over for a visit.

The halls of the Capitol have a first-day-of-school feel. Lobbyists flirtwith lawmakers. Republicans pick on Democrats. And Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer is busy handing out brand-new 8-by-10 glossy photos of himself to everyone.

Then, after all the initial back-slapping and story-swapping is over, they get right down to business and start passing laws that benefit every South Carolinian.

OK, maybe that’s not quite accurate. Actually, they continue to backslap and story-swap right up until June, when they finally begin to hurriedly pass a few laws that benefit a few buddies.

OK, maybe that’s not quite accurate either. They’ve had trouble the last few years even passing any laws that benefit their buddies.

When Sanford became governor two years ago, the legislative process pretty much ground to a halt. Sanford doesn’t like the way lawmakers do business, and lawmakers don’t like Sanford telling them how to do their business. So we end up with lots of finger-pointing, filibustering, and piglet-toting.

This infighting has basically kept Sanford’s agenda on the back burner. In fact, his only big accomplishment while in office so far was last year’s fitness bike ride across the state, a trip from Spartanburg to North Charleston that he was able to complete without developing a wicked rash. (To the best of our knowledge.)

It’s his prickly relationship with legislators, however, that really makes him chafe.

Last year the governor sent the proposed budget back to House members with a whopping 106 vetoes. House members countered by overriding 105 of those vetoes in 99 minutes. That’s when Sanford showed up with his little piggie pals, Pork and Barrel, to show House members he didn’t give a poop about their way of doing business. So it will be interesting to see if anything has changed once the 2005 legislative session begins.

It’s our feeling that this stalemate can only be broken if the governor reaches out to lawmakers and finds a way to mend fences with them. Talk would like to play relationship therapist and offer the following list: Top 10 Ways Mark Sanford Can Make Up With Legislators.

10. Give every one of them a piglet of their own.

9. Take them out to Sticky Fingers for a romantic makeup dinner.

8. Let them keep their desks fully stocked with soon-to-be illegal minibottles.

7. Let everyone take a turn giving the lieutenant governor a wedgie.

6. Invite them to a big sleep-over in the now mold-free Governor’s Mansion.

5. Take David Wilkins instead of Jenny on a bicycle-built-for-two during this year’s ride across the state.

4. Offer to polish Glenn McConnell’s Confederate rifle after reenactment weekends.

3. Vow to be a compromiser, not a contrarian.

2. A hot tub in every conference room.

And the No. 1 Way Mark Sanford Can Make Up With Legislators: Tax breaks for everyone!

Of course, if Sanford isn’t willing to be conciliatory, lawmakers better be worried.

He might make them hold Pork and Barrel in their spiffy new clothes.

Reach White at (803) 771-8643 or ntwhite@thestate.com.