The left and right of automotive politics

South Carolina’s legislative session is starting to heat up — quite unlike the weather — and some interesting things are being proposed.

What’s that? You didn’t know legislators were back at work? Well, don’t feel bad. Not many folks have realized it. Let’s face it, all of us have been preoccupied with other matters.

The Democratic presidential primary rolled through the state. The USC basketball team is rolling through the SEC. The Carolina Panthers rolled to the Super Bowl. A flurry of new “American Idol” episodes have rolled through the viewing public.

But our hardworking lawmakers have been quietly rolling along as well. And they’re not just working on a way to fix the budget crisis while lowering taxes in the process. They’re working on more important issues, too.

Take the bill in a Senate committee that would keep drivers from staying in left lanes on our state’s interstate highways. This bill would impose fines ranging from $75 to $150 on drivers who cruise along in the passing lane without regard for their fellow motorists.

The bill does not set limits on how long drivers can stay in the left lane. Enforcement would be up to the discretion of troopers. It seems the proposed law is aimed at cutting down on road rage and accidents because of frustrated drivers being forced to go around on the right of poky motorists jamming up the left lane.

Now, this is a great idea. There isn’t much more frustrating than being stuck behind a car in the passing lane that doesn’t make any effort to pass anybody else. And then they make you pass them in the nonpassing lane with no regard as to why you’re shaking your fist and mouthing foul language at them as you do your best to get by.

In Talk’s opinion, these drivers should be subject to more than fines. A ticket would be letting them off too easy. We’d like to see this bill amended to make the penalties even harsher. In fact, here are 10 other suggestions to put more teeth in the punishment:

1. Allow drivers who are forced to pass on the right to shoot darts at the tires of offending cars

2. Issue specially numbered license plates — MORON1, MORON2, MORON3, MORON4 (you get the idea) — to all those caught dawdling in the left lane

3. Appoint more hanging judges to preside over traffic courts

4. Make repeat offenders bicycle across the state with Gov. Mark Sanford

5. Enlist Dale Earnhardt Jr. to scare left-lane cruisers straight by riding their tails and then spinning them out

6. Force culprits to get out of their cars, put on a blindfoldand play a game of live Frogger across the interstate

7. Impound their automobiles and issue them mopeds

8. Require guilty parties to sit in every meeting of the Senate transportation committee and take minutes

9. Throw offenders into a truck-stop diner and let the truckers who were stuck behind them mete out a little vigilante justice

10. Make anyone convicted of this sit in a car with leather seats on 95-degree days with the windows rolled up. In a Speedo.

Cruel and unusual punishment? Perhaps.

But it’s not like we’re making them ride down Assembly Street with Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer when he’s running late to start the day. Now that would be cruel and unusual.

We’re glad to see our lawmakers have finally recognized the enormity of the problem and stopped wasting their time on frivolous issues like the budget.

So we hope to see the day this summer when the bill becomes law. Then we can get on to even more important problems.

Such as drivers who have no idea how to merge from the on-ramp to the interstate.

Reach Talk at (803) 771-8643 or e-mail ntwhite@thestate.com.