Now that’s teamwork: amusing amendments

House budget week — who knew that 32 hours of talk about trust funds could be so much fun?

Some lawmakers spent much of their time trying to pair up legislators on amendments. They wanted the joy of hearing the clerk read:

• “The Snow-White amendment” — Bubber Snow, D-Williamsburg, and Brian White, R-Anderson

• “The Toole-Talley amendment” — Mac Toole, R-Lexington, and Scott Talley, R-Spartanburg

• “The Frye-Rice amendment” — Marion Frye, R-Lexington, and Rex Rice, R-Greenville

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“We have money for sand, but we don’t have money for First Steps?”

— Rep. Ken Kennedy, D-Williamsburg, on adding $5 million to the state budget for beach renourishment but cutting $1 million from early childhood education

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RUNNER-UP

“There’s a rule that the budget has to lay on the desk for a week before we can debate it. Some members take that literally.”

— Rep. Dan Cooper, R-Anderson, surveying the unopened, 500-page budget books on House members’ desks

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SWIPING DEFEAT FROM THE JAWS OF VICTORY

Rep. Doug Jennings, D-Marlboro, backed only one major amendment all budget week, quite a change for the former minority leader who dominated budgets past.

Jennings wanted to raise the fee for duplicate driver’s licenses, with the additional $7 per license paying to train a new class of state troopers. The proposal passed 58-57, a rare victory for a Democrat in the Republican-dominated House.

“There’s justice in the world,” said Jennings, spinning around the chamber.

Jennings was commensurably disappointed minutes later when Republicans rallied errant troops. They said his money was no longer needed because the Barnwell nuclear dump expansion would help troopers.

The House reconsidered and voted Jennings’ plan down, 57-58.

“I take it back,” Jennings said. “There is no justice in the world.”

LOOKING OUT FOR THE HOBO CONSTITUENCY

Credit Rep. Walt McLeod with trying something new.

If legislators were tired of hearing about a tax on cigarettes, how about one on “booze, beer and wine?”

The Newberry Democrat put up a serious proposal to boost the tax on each can of beer and each bottle of wine or liquor by a nickel.

“Do you know anybody who’s going to drink any less beer on account of a nickel?” he asked.

The proposal attracted some interest, particularly from Christian conservatives, but it failed, nonetheless.

Rep. Skipper Perry, R-Aiken, was among those voting no.

“To a wino, a nickel means a lot,” Perry said. “I can’t support you on this because I know it’ll be a hardship on winos.”

WOULD YOU BUY A USED CAR FROM THESE GUYS?

Then there was the amendment by Murrell Smith, R-Sumter, to require the sale of 6,000 state cars, to be conducted by the House’s own used-car salesman, Gary Simrill, R-York. The amendment would require that the broker be: “Gary Simrill, doing business as Carolina Motor Works, also known as ‘As-Is Cars.’• ”

Co-sponsor Michael Thompson, R-Anderson, said the amendment was just to “break the tension.” It did not pass.

ON A SHORT LEASH

If Jake Knotts ever leaves the S.C. Senate, Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer better be worried.

When Sen. Bill Branton, R-Dorchester, asked Bauer a question about parliamentary procedure, Bauer answered him, and added, “Senator, with unanimous consent you can do anything you want.”

To which Branton quipped: “Does that mean we can get rid of you from up there?”

Bauer paused only half a beat before pointing in the direction of Knotts. “If you can get past my bulldog over there,” Bauer said.

Knotts, who moves quickly for a big man, jumped to his feet, hollering, “I object!”