First, Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer proposes selling corporate naming rights for state buildings, roads and bridges. Next, Gov. Mark Sanford proposes that state colleges and universities go private.

When it comes to making or saving the state money during this budget crunch, it seems no idea is too zany.

Talk learned as much when we discovered the rest of Sanford’s wacky proposals by rummaging around in the Dumpster behind the Governor’s Mansion. They were on a crumpled piece of paper stuck in a tattered folder labeled “Left Field Files,” because all of the ideas were way out in left field. (The governor, by the way, was none too happy with Andre’s proposal. “Hey, doesn’t he know I’m the guy with the wild ideas,” Sanford reportedly told aides.)

But let’s face it, if you’re going to solve a budget crisis without raising taxes, you have to be extremely creative. Sanford, who is waiting until January 2004 to spring these top secret proposals on the public, is definitely going to surprise quite a few state residents. See what you think of this list of plans:

• Trade Bauer to Idaho for a lieutenant governor to be named later. Leave the position unfilled indefinitely.

• Put up a rope that extends the length of the South Carolina coastline. Have lifeguards charge everybody who wants to go swimming in the ocean 10 bucks. And charge them another 10 if they want to get out and go back to their hotel room.

• Pay everybody in the S.C. Department of Commerce the same salary as director Bob Faith — $1 a year.

• Sell Rock Hill to North Carolina.

• Sell Anderson to Georgia.

• Sell Hilton Head Island to the Bahamas.

• Suggest all the K-12 schools go private, too. Tell any kid who complains about wanting a free public education to move to Alabama.

• Establish a S.C. Department of Coupon Clipping as a way of controlling purchasing costs.

• Stage a Save South Carolina benefit concert with a blockbuster bill of Al Stewart (“Year of the Cat”), Gary Wright (“Dream Weaver”) and Boz Scaggs (“Lowdown”). No, wait, that’s already going to be the bill for the “I Love the ’70s” stage at the 3 Rivers Music Festival next year.

• Shake down every Canadian who drives down I-95 into our state. Tell them it’s a “no tan” tax.

• Pay toilets at every interstate rest area.

• Valet parking at every interstate rest area. Charge double for SUV’s.

• Lay off all gubernatorial chiefs of staff not named Sanford.

• Buy goods made in China. When it comes time to pay the bill, stiff them. And when the Chinese complain, tell them they must have us confused with South Dakota.

• Have U.S. Sens. Fritz Hollings and Lindsey Graham sit in a dunking booth for 12 hours on Election Day. Declare it “Take Your Anger Out On A Washington Politician Day.” Charge $5 a throw.

• Downgrade every automobile in the state fleet to used Dodge Darts and Ford Pintos. Make sure to get the discount rate from AAA first.

• Hold a bake sale. See how many Adluh hush puppies we can sell to Iowa.

• Sell off all the copying machines at every state agency. Make the employees copy everything by hand.

• Stage a donkey basketball fund-raiser game with Republican legislators riding real Democrats.

• Sell holiday wrapping paper featuring the likeness of Strom Thurmond.

There you have it. We told you these ideas were a little different. See you next year at the beach, but we’re probably just going to stay at the hotel pool and swim.

Call Talk at (803) 771-8643 or e-mail ntwhite@thestate.com.